DATE NIGHT GUIDE
Preksha Malu
Theatre tickets are a waste when the only dialogue you're interested in is of the intimate kind.
Here's how to plan your romantic rendezvous to suit the stage your relationship is at
For those of us in relationships, a night out can be a great way to bond with someone we love. But, depending on the level of comfort you share with your companion, a date can also be very daunting.
If you're meeting on your own for the first time, strained nerves can result in some seriously embarrassing gaffes. Remember the scene from the 2004 film Along Came Polly, in which Reuben (played by Ben Stiller) goes along with his date's restaurant pick and dines on spicy, Indian food? All the action Reuben sees that night is in the bathroom. Date night can be just as catastrophic for couples who've gotten too comfortable with each other -you spend the evenings squinting at your cellphones (Curse that candlelight!) instead of gazing into each other's eyes.
With so much that can go wrong, dates can often be a panicked affair: have you picked the right clothes to suit the place? What will you talk about?
While some things must be left to chance -whether or not you'll hit it off for instance -a good sense of timing can make all the difference to how special your time together can be. Here's more.
To break the ice
Twenty-nine-year-old Versova resident, home-based chef Esha Sahor Lepcha and her boyfriend of five years 31-year-old musician Ashish Bhat who will be tying the knot next month believe that food is a great topic to discuss on your first dates. Neither would recommend being too adventurous, of course (let that scene from the Ben Stiller film be remembered as a cautionary tale), but sharing their own experience, Esha says, “Our first date was after a friend's party -we visited a small stall at Oshiwara and I dug into maska pav, which allowed us to talk about the city's foodscape, a topic we both enjoy.Ever since, we make it a policy to dine at small places, where we're not distracted by the crowds and can focus on each other (and the food).“
Sachin Bhatia, CEO and co-founder of TrulyMadly, a dating app, tells us that coffee shops are a favorite pick for first dates.“Typically, cafes are not expensive; besides, they're casual places so you don't have to worry too much about what you will wear, and they're busy, so you don't feel trapped if your date is a creep. Movies are the next pick for first dates,“ he says.
A movie, or an activity that keeps you occupied, is also a good idea because you may not have much to talk about at that stage. When Thane residents, marketing managers Debendra Nath Sanyal (26) and Ankit (24) started dating in March, they met at Sanyal's house, and, says Ankit, “We sang Karaoke, watched YouTube videos and danced. The evening went so well that we lost track of time.“
When you're getting to know each other
Some might say you can learn a lot about someone by taking the person to a `build-your-own dish' place. If he picks rainbow sprinkles, for instance, it could suggest childlike innocence, health food choices would of course indicate physical consciousness, an expensive food choice could suggest you have a big spender here, and if he or she has trouble picking a dish, you know this may be someone who has trouble making decisions. It's not an exact science of course, but couples tell you what worked for them.
Twenty-one-year-old law student, Andheri-based Nayan Varma took her boyfriend 26-yearold Ninad Kirodian, an MBA student and resident of Goregaon shopping “to get to know more about his tastes. He is an introvert and doesn't talk very much, so the shopping trips revealed a lot.“
Stand-up comedian Vasu Primlani adds, “Spending an afternoon buying groceries or shopping can certainly test one's patience -if you want to see how compatible you are, that's a great way to find out, that's for sure.“ On a more serious note, she says, “If the aim is toconnect on an emotional level, go for long walks together, or volunteer at an orphanage together.“
Primlani also recommends raising the stakes if you want to discover the layers of your partner's personality. “When you're getting serious, get into a boxing ring together,“ she says. “If the guy fights fair, is respectful, and yet doesn't throw the match just because you are a woman, he's a keeper.“
Time to impress?
When Ankit was trying to impress Debendra, he says he pulled it off with his dance moves, “but if you're going to do that, you have to be pretty certain that you dance well, and those stares you've been getting on the dance floor are for the right reasons.“ Now that they know each other well, impressing their partners is not about showing off their skills but rather about showing off how well each knows the other. “Ankit loves Bollywood. So, I like to take him to places that have a Bollywood theme or where the dishes are inspired by films. When he picks a place, he ensures they serve good wine and have great lounge music as that's what I enjoy,“ says Debendra.
The acid test
When you've been dating for a while and want to see if this is the person for you, Nayan says the way to gauge it is to see how comfortable the two of you are when you spend time alone together. “Since we've been dating for four years, we often stay home and just talk. That the silences aren't awkward says a lot,“ she says. Primlani adds, “If you want to get real adventurous, go to a family wedding together.“ That may make you laugh, but in fact, a family event can serve as an acid test.When your partner is kind to your crazy cousins, and accommodates that senile old relative who thinks it's 1952, you know that's true love.
Tips from Jose Covaco, author of Ladies, Please!: Dating Truths by a Man'
When you're just getting to know each other:
If it's your first date, it's a good idea to meet at a place where you don't have to worry about anything other than the conversation.If you're looking over your shoulder all the time, it won't be fun. Keep it simple. Go for a walk together. There's no better way to get talking or to get to know each other.
If it's been a few months:
Don't work too hard to make an impression. Let it happen naturally. You don't want to create unrealistic expectations. Instead of showing your partner a pretty picture, let them see your live video feed -show them your true self. Don't put on a show.
To reconnect:
It's possible to ge
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